


Intermission 1- Flashbacks within a flashback

by SpadeCalibration (Raxtilt)



Series: SpecterBound [3]
Category: Danny Phantom, Homestuck
Genre: Crossover/AU - Freeform, F/M, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-13
Updated: 2013-07-13
Packaged: 2017-12-19 07:42:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/881229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raxtilt/pseuds/SpadeCalibration
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Let's take a quick break before the fight and take a look at Sollux's rather dark past. Aradia's death is explained, as well as her relationship with Sollux beforehand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Intermission 1- Flashbacks within a flashback

**Author's Note:**

> I'll admit I'm slightly worried about my mental state after writing some of this. I hope you all cry your eyes out.

Your name is Sollux Captor, and you're pretty sure you're going to die. You can't really feel your anything, and you can't even really seem to look around. From what you can see at the moment, you're in a hospital bed. Dying is really boring...  
Though you're only thirteen and not at all happy with the idea of dying, your mortality really isn't what's on your mind. It's more your apparent disability. You're starting to get a little panicked because you can see in the very corner of your eye that Aradia is right... Right over... There... Dammit, you can't turn to look at her! You've tried calling out to her, but your body is far more tired than your mind, and you can only manage a feeble rasp that you're guessing she can't hear. You haven't gotten a response.  
Almost as bad is the fact that you can't seem to remember what happened. You close your eyes and try to remember, but every time you try, what you see is darkness and fire and broken glass, and your eyes fly open in an attempt to escape the scene. It's wrong and painful and SCARY. You can't think about it for more than a few seconds because the reality that's burning the back of your mind is this- It was your fault.

"Sollux... Hunny, can you hear me?" your mom's voice is distorted in your ears. Garbled like you're underwater. You can sort of see her. There's her blue purse and her scarf. You want her to hug you and tell you everything is going to be okay. But instead she turns toward a person in a white coat. They start talking about how you could have possible brain damage and how you're lucky to be alive. Dad is crying like a baby, and he says it's his fault. But you know that's wrong. You know it's all your fault. The darkness and the fire and the broken glass... It's your fault. You can only hope Aradia will forgive you...  
They put something in your IV, and you feel like telling them no. You don't want to go to sleep. But before you can figure out how to say that, you're out again. With your last moment of consciousness, you tell yourself you want to dream about something happy. You want to dream about being with Aradia. Yes, that sounds nice.

"We should go somewhere today."  
Who's that talking? Oh, it's you. You're sitting on Aradia's couch, talking to her while she stands beside it. The room smells of soft fabrics washed wih floral detergent. Washed many times, actually, because of all the dirt Aradia tracks in from her long days of volunteer work at the dig site. It's pretty much the only place her mom lets her go alone, but she's really into the whole archeology thing, so she enjoys being there. You think it's cute, too. There's something about a girl who isn't afraid to get her clothes covered in dirt that makes you relaxed around her. So, the house smells of artificial flower scents, and you love it. You could spend the night here, if your parents would allow it. What they think would happen is beyond you, to be honest. Hell, you're only 13. Regardless, you take in a deep breath of flowers and wool before you continue. "You know. On a date?"  
Aradia has been standing between the couch and the coat rack, laughing at herself as she tries on her mother's wool hats. The woman has at least a hundred of them, and nearly every day in winter, she brings another one out of the back closet to wear. When she comes home at night, she hangs it up on the coat rack. It's early June now and she hasn't bothered to take care of the mess that is hats stacked upon hats. Some are even set on the furniture to fall to the floor eventually. When they do, Aradia doesn't bother with them. She casually steps on them, pretending not to notice and hoping this year's number of trampled hats will exceed the number she'll buy next year. Aradia doesn't have anything against the hats themselves, but you both have a head for when things just get to be too much. She makes a face at the particularly ugly one she just tried on and lets it fall to the floor, turning to you. "I really want to!" she agrees. Her hair is a frizzed-up mess from her hat shenanigans, and it just makes her cuter. "But not today. Mom won't be back until ten tonight, and you know how it is with me leaving the house when she's not around."  
You sigh tiredly. "Your mom is crazy." you state.  
Aradia grabs the one hat nearby that isn't wool. It's actually the one thing her dad left at the house. She never knew her dad, and to be honest, she never particularly wanted to. She does, however, appreciate the old hat that looks so good on her. You like the hat too, but not quite as much as you liked her messy hair a moment ago. "Oh, and yours isn't." she rolls her eyes at you.  
"Well at least my mom will let me go on dates with my girlfriend. Or at least she would, if my girlfriend could go on dates with me."  
She seems a bit tired of this topic. You've been begging to go somewhere with her for the past two weeks. You just want to take her to the new zombie movie while it's still in theaters! You don't know why that's so much to ask, but she finally just faces you and says, "Okay, okay. How about this. I'll talk to mom tonight when she gets home. We'll go somewhere Saturday for sure. Wherever you want."  
You smile and think, slightly distractedly, about how cute she looks. You lean over the arm of the couch a bit and give her a kiss. "I like that plan." you agree.  
She blushes just a bit, and you notice, but you don't point it out. You'd hate for her to try and stop herself from doing so. She plops herself down over the couch arm, her head landing in your lap. She looks up at you with a playful shrug and says, "I guess I like you or something."  
Her hat falls off, and she reaches up and puts it on your head. You're fairly sure you now look ridiculous, but you don't mind it when you're alone with her. You start carefully running your fingers through her thick hair, trying to tame it after her game of hats. "Or something." you shrug back.

"Sollux." a voice calls you from your slumber. "Sollux, it's me." you open your eyes tiredly. The world is too bright, and Aradia isn't on your lap anymore. You don't like this world, and you want to go back to your dream. You try to do so, but the voice won't leave you alone. "Hey." It's your dad's voice, and it's still pretty distorted. You try your best to make sense of it. "Can you look here?" he asks. After a moment of figuring out what he said, you turn your head to look at him. He's wearing one of his red workout shirts. He usually doesn't wear those in public, but seeing as you're in a hospital, he was probably in a rush to get there. You wonder how long you were asleep. It feels like days, but if your dad's still wearing that, you're not sure anymore. He looks relieved, though. Probably because you looked at him like he asked. But wait... If you can move now...! You rush to sit up and see where Aradia is, but when you do, everything hurts. You let out a yell and your dad's strong big hands lay you gently back down before you have the chance to fall back on your own. When you look at him again, he looks like he's about to cry. You feel guilty for upsetting him, but how were you supposed to know you couldn't get up?? ... Okay, the hospital bed really should have been enough of a hint. Now you just feel stupid. Your dad calls a doctor over and explains that you just tried to jump up. The doctor says the 'shock' probably hasn't worn off yet. You should go back to sleep before you hurt yourself. You finally find the will to say, "No".  
They both look at you like they're shocked you can speak. "What?" your dad asks urgently.  
"Can I stay awake?" why are you asking to stay awake? You just wanted to go back to sleep! Whatever. You don't care. You just know you don't want them to put you back to sleep yet. Dad's face looks like you just won the olympics or something. What the hell is up with everyone today??  
"I'm impressed." the doctor smiled. "Well, I think you can stay awake for a little while if you want to talk to your daddy." you don't like this doctor's face. He's looking at you like a child, and you hate it. You don't have the energy to swear at him, so you nod. "You'll have to stay in the bed though, okay?" You nod again, getting impatient with this guy. He finally leaves and dad says, "I'm so glad you're okay."  
You resist the urge to ask what happened. You're still not sure you're ready to remember. "Where's Aradia...?"  
He frowns, taking a strange amount of time before answering, "I haven't seen her since they took you to separate rooms."  
"I want to see her." that was a demand, and you both know it.  
"Not now." he shakes his head.  
"Let me talk to her." you say, a bit more forcefully.  
"Sollux, listen. You can't-"  
"Let me talk to my fucking girlfriend! I have to tell her I'm sorry!" you find that you're more panicked than you might expect. You think there's a reason, but you really don't care if there is. You call out for Aradia, wondering if she can hear you. Someone is holding you down again, and someone puts a fluid in your IV again. "Aradia!" You cry out again. "Aradia. A... Ara...a..."

You don't care anymore. You want to know what happened to the two of you. You put every bit of your will into remembering. Even though you're asleep, you know what you want. You see the flames again and shrink away. You let your mind go black again. You're still scared. You try once more and this time, you don't let yourself run away. You look around. It's dark because it's night time. You can't move because something is crushing you, and the flames are spreading. You're afraid they'll get you. Your heart is racing faster than you've ever felt it, and you are once again certain you're going to die. What's crushing you? Metal? There's a piece imbedded in your side, and you can feel yourself losing blood quickly. You turn your attention to the glass. There's some of it that's spidered like the screen of an ipod after a short drop. Somehow, the sheet of glass hasn't completely shattered though. There's also bits of broken glass under you. They dig into your arms and your back and your cheek, and if you move, it only gets worse. Your head is pounding, and you know it's bleeding, too. Your face it wet from tears. You're crying because of the pain, but there's something else. The thing you were really afraid of seeing.  
Aradia is laying next to you, white as a sheet. She's not concious, and she's covered in blood. Her head is laying in a small pool of it, and her usually naturally red lips have turned nearly blue. You let out a scream, and you're not even sure just what caused it. You need help. You both need help! You're too scared to think, and you finally manage to just let your mind sink into blackness again. In the darkness, your heart cries quietly until you wake.

You don't speak to anyone anymore. You don't want to accept them right now. You don't want to admit they exist. You remember everything, and you don't want to. Your dad wouldn't take you to the theaters on Saturday. He said he wanted you home that night because you spent every day for the past two weeks over at Aradia's house. He said there was such thing as spending too much time with someone. That sounded like bullshit to you, and you locked yourself in your room until you heard him in the workout room. That was when you took your chance, You still had time if you hurried. You went downstairs and swiped mom's car keys from her purse. Your dad let you drive around parking lots sometimes, wanting you to learn everything early, so you knew what you were doing. You thought you knew. You picked up Aradia, but you had less time than you thought you might. You sped just a bit to get to the movie in time. "I hope we can catch the previews." Aradia kept saying excitedly. You never made it to the theater.  
You beat yourself up continually for being so fucking stupid! Was the theater really so important?? You got Aradia hurt, and you can't even imagine the trouble you'll be in for the rest of your life. You're sure Aradia will never forgive you. She'll hate you forever. Stupid fucking Sollux...  
They keep trying to talk to you, and you don't look at them. You don't give them a response. The voices are just a little less garbled than before. You can understand them, at least. Not that you care to. Finally they ask you, "Sollux, what do you want from us?"  
You answer then. "Aradia."  
There's a strange silence again, and your mom tries to speak up. "Sollux, hunny... Aradia..."  
The doctor explains for her. "She was hurt too badly. We couldn't save her."  
You're fairly sure your heart stops. You know that isn't a thing that could happen and you still be okay, but you can't feel it anymore. Everything goes sort of cold.  
"Sollux..." dad says. Your name sounds wrong.  
"Hunny..." says mom. Who?  
"Listen, son, I'm so sorry." dad says. "It's my fault this happened, but we'll work through this."  
Work... Through...? No. Your world is over. Your life. Everything you knew is wrong and upside down. You curl into a ball and you try your very hardest to stop existing.  
You've forgotten the rest of the day. You aren't quite stupid enough to try and remember it, either. It was the day you lost her. The day you were no longer you. You're not sure if you ever will be.

You don't speak for a month or so. At least you think that's how long it is. You've lost track of time. Sounds slowly make sense again. It takes a few days for you to stop feeling like you're underwater whenever people talk. Even then, you don't respond. Your parents try sending you to therapy, but there isn't much a pediatric therapist knows to do with a boy who won't respond in any way. That stops pretty quickly. You close your eyes whenever you walk past her old house, and you try to take even breaths when you're in a car.  
The first person who gets you to speak again is a blind girl. She keeps bugging you and bugging you until you finally yell at her to fuck off. She doesn't. And somehow, she slowly manages to make you talk to her. You'll never see her the way you saw Aradia, but you are secretly very thankful she dragged you back out of your shell. By secretly, you mean you've never told her. But that's because you're sure she knows. She always knows these things. You stick around and help her, and you even start talking to this Karkat guy for her. Apparently, she wants to know more about him. He seems like a jackass, but he's alright, you suppose. You don't think you'll ever be completely okay again, but these friends of yours, if you really want to call them friends- They're doing a pretty good job of helping you, at least for moments at a time, to remember to be Sollux Captor.

**Author's Note:**

> I WILL GET BACK TO THE STORY NOW PROMISES


End file.
